Kate Fierro

Angel closed the door and leaned against it heavily, shoulders slumping with relief. His keys clattered as they slipped out of his hand and to the floor, but he made no move to pick them up, suddenly too exhausted for that much effort. It was his fifth working night in a row, and a bad one at that.

He hated it when the clients tried to force him to stay longer than the agreed time, or worse still, overnight. It didn’t happen often, and every time so far, a firm tone and a warning that his “guardian” would come looking for him had worked well enough, but it was a scare nonetheless. Angel couldn’t help wondering what would happen if someone didn’t listen one day. It wasn’t as if anyone would really come. No one knew where he was when he went out on the job.

He pushed himself off the door with a groan, tempted to just strip off his clothes and fall into bed. It was past two a.m. already and he had an early morning tomorrow. But as tired as he was, he knew from experience that sleep wouldn’t come; not immediately. It never did after a job. He needed a while to unwind and decompress. Besides, he would feel disgusting in the morning if he didn’t wash the sex off his skin now.

The hot shower helped with the stress tension in his muscles, and he felt much better when he crawled into his bed, not bothering with clothes. Checking his email before sleep was a habit now, and so he turned on his laptop, just in case.

There were two confirmations of next week’s encounters from his regulars in his inbox, and an email from a new address. Angel scanned it quickly at first, just to know what to expect, but then he came back to reread it properly. The sweet message was a beautiful contrast to the roughness of his tonight’s job.

Dear Angel,

I’m not sure how to go about introducing myself. I was lucky enough to find out about you through an acquaintance…and I can’t help but wonder if this could be perfect for me. My name is Nicole, I’m in my early twenties, and I’ve never had any kind of romantic or sexual experience. Not that it’s stopped me from imagining what those experiences could be like. 

My fantasy, since I guess that’s what this is about, is to be Dominated. Not just the leather and chains and whips. I want to kneel for someone, not just following an order but because I see them and want to kneel. I want a scene that feels intimate and caring. I want to feel protected and appreciated and special, that I’m someone’s “good girl” all because I’m choosing to serve them. I want to be pushed to the edge…and maybe just a bit beyond. But I want all of this while knowing that I’m safe.

I guess I’m tired of wanting something so badly and feeling like I constantly have to hide it and reassure myself that it’s not something to be ashamed about.

I hope this is the right thing to say here.

Thank you,

~Nicole 

Angel’s fingers started typing the reply before he even decided to. 

Dear Nicole,

First of all, please don’t ever feel ashamed about what you want. What you feel, the need to submit to someone, is something natural and beautiful. The readiness to put so much trust in another person is a sign of faith and bravery, and I’m proud of you for writing to me about it. I understand the need to hide your desires in certain circumstances, but I assure you, you can feel absolutely free to talk about them here.

So you want to be someone’s good girl for a while? To let go, let someone take care of you? To experience what you’ve only imagined so far?

I could help you with that; meet you in a hotel room or in your own bedroom, ask you to kneel for me, to trust me. Would you trust me? You don’t know me yet. But I promise I would make it safe and intimate for you, if you chose to try. It could be sexual or not, whichever you want. It could be a comfort or a challenge, whatever you need.

I have a task for you, should you choose to accept it: write it all out for me, please. Tell me what you see when you imagine someone Dominating you. Is there touch in your fantasy? If so, is it soft or hard? Is there nudity? How far do you see yourself going, sexually? Which elements are most important to you?

When you’re done, I want you to make a list. Or rather, two of them. In one, write down, in detail, what you would like to experience and/or what turns you on. Is it simply being told what to do? Taken care of? Do you fantasize about cuffs or ropes or being held down? Do you get turned on thinking about sensation play – temperature, feathers, massages, pain play? Write it down, but don’t worry about getting it all there. It’s okay not to know yet. Just note down what you do know and want.

In the other list, include your limits; all the things you don’t want to do, either in this first encounter, or ever. Don’t hesitate to write down anything that gives you a bad or uncomfortable feeling here. If there are things you might like to try at some point in the future, mark them as such.

Congratulations, you’ve just created the basic documents for your Dom/sub experience. I’m proud of you!

Now, the next step is talking about it with a person you might want to Dominate you. If you want to consider me for your first experience, I’d be honored – just send me your lists and your fantasy, and we will talk on chat. I want to make sure I know exactly how to make this good for you, and to give you a chance to get comfortable with me before we meet.

None of these steps are binding in any way, so don’t worry about having to decide yet. Until you tell me that yes, you want my services, and we settle the details, this is just talking about possibilities. And whether you decide to try it with me or not, having those lists and a good idea of what you want to happen is a useful thing.

Now be a good girl and go write what I asked for. And when you are done, I want you to reward yourself. Whether it’s with a cup of hot chocolate, a bubble bath, or playing out the whole fantasy scene you just wrote down while you touch yourself for me – I’ll let you decide.

I hope to be hearing from you soon.

Take care,

Angel    

He clicked Send and closed the laptop, the need for sleep finally catching up with him. Yes, he’d probably lost a client today – and good riddance. But there were other people; other – better – experiences waiting. He just needed to recharge and he’d be back at it, giving it his all, like he always did.

It would be fine.

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Authors note: Custom-Made Fantasy is a little project connected with my book, “Love Starved”. Since we don’t get to see Angel’s point of view in the novel, I would like to use this bi-weekly column to show glimpses of his inbox – and glimpses of him as a person, too.

custommadefantasy@gmail.com is a real, functioning address of a fictional character. You can write to Angel, if you want – I’m sure he would love to hear about your fantasies, too. But please be aware that by sending a message to this address, you’re allowing the use of it in little drabbles written for this column. I will never use real names or addresses here, just the contents. I can not promise to use every message I get.

If you want to send a message to Angel without revealing your email address, you can use the Ask box on my tumblr, katefierro.tumblr.com. Remember to check the “anonymous” button!